Queen of the Jungle

Hollywood does add artistic license to stories and they should. You can usually find the true story if you look close enough.I was pondering the story of Tarzan Lord of the Jungle. The King Gorilla weighed 800lbs. Tarzan at a buck-eighty is no match for that. It is totally obvious to me that Tarzan was not the Alpha male in the jungle. Hollywood always beefs up a story so that a homosexual man will become a sex symbol for the masses.

Yes I said I think Tarzan was a South African metro sexual gay man. He should have been called "Tarzan Queen of the Jungle". Come on, He lives with apes and he is perfectly manscaped. Nothing yells "freak" louder than a leather thong. I've seen them on Bourbon St, it screams "I'm a bad boy, please punish me."

I've even pondered the probability of Tarzan being molested by the bull gorilla's. Hmmm we as mankind have evolved from apes, and the men in our species will basically copulate with anything. Tarzan was raised in the fashion of being the new guy in a Turkish prison. It's okay you got to do what you have to do to survive. Tarzan often traded favors for extra fruit.

Once Jane got him to New York, Tarzan got a job being a fashion editor for Cosmo. He is still a swinger. The ladies just love his fantastic fashion sense. It's funny Tarzan did his famous yell at a party but it sounded like the kickoff call for the Pride Parade.

"hheeeeyyYYEEEEYYYYYYeeeeyyeeeeee!"

He did that call and was immediately surrounded by the male models from Cosmo. At least that is how legend describes it. Now Tarzan is doing quite well, He has been on Oprah promoting his story; Survival in the jungle Quest for Equality. He has a condo in Manhatten and a shaved poodle that he dresses in a a leather thong. You can say eccentric I call it the circle of life.