I’m single and I think it is because I am unemployed. Nothing attracts women faster than not being able to afford to date. I have been looking for a job for a while now. I did get a call last week for a telephone interview, while I was driving in rush hour traffic;
Dickey Bill: Hello
Lady from Human Resources: Dickey Bill Wagner I would like to ask you a couple of questions to try and qualify you for the position. First question, what makes you a good candidate for our company?
DB: I really enjoy meeting new people and helping them find solutions to make their life just a little bit easier… FUCK YOU ASSHOLE PICK A LANE! I have a strong work ethic and leadership skills.
LfHR: Okay…good tell me about a time that you had to put together a team and how did you motivate them?
DB: I am sensitive to different points of views…HEY DICKHEAD, I’M DRIVING HERE.JESUS WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DRIVE CHINA? ...I am really sensitive to international relations. I motivate my team through positive reinforcement. I THINK YOU NEED MY FOOT RIGHT IN YOUR ASS! C’MON!
LfHR: Very good! One last question Dickey Bill and we will be through, where do you see yourself in five years time?
DB: That’s an excellent question. I have charted out some challenging goals as part of my five year plan. I HOPE WE MAKE IT TO THE NEXT BLOCK BECAUSE WE’RE NOT MOOOVIINNG!!!! I am flexible and can multitask.
LfHR: That’s fine multitasking I got it. We will let you know soon what we decide. Bye
DB: Good bye…
They offered me the job! I was just what they were looking for a manager that sends mixed signals. We will see if it works out, the background check is always dicey. I can never escape that incident in New Orleans.
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