Hi my name is Dickey Bill and I am an addict. I am addicted to coffee. I know I am because I need to drink it just to feel normal. This is a strange idea to me, because I really don’t know what feeling normal is like. I drink coffee and I feel the warmth spread through out my body. Ahhh I am starting to relax…no I am starting to be stimulated into productive activity…wait coffee does both. It is a wonder drink.
That is what it is like for me to drink coffee; before I do I am a completely different person. I am not going to say “Good morning” to you. Because I don’t care, I am on a mission to caffeinate. I actually tried to quit, that was a mistake. I made it to eleven AM. I couldn’t function. I needed coffee just to go get coffee. Some things you just have to accept.
I do make my own coffee when I am desperate. For some reason, coffee from a coffee shop seems to taste better. Once my grandmother made me coffee and it was so good. The warmth was there but no relaxation and no stimulation. I was confused and lethargic. I looked in her cupboard for I was suspicious that something wasn’t right. There it was decaf coffee! What? Why would Grandma play this awful joke on me? She loves coffee too. She told me she had to drink decaf for medical reasons. Grandma is not a true addict. A true coffee addict drinks it regardless of the risk. Much like smokers smoke even though they are wearing oxygen masks.
I will never quit. Yes I do have a crazy obsessive devotion to coffee. It is my elixir of life. Coffee is my ambrosia that starts my day in the right direction. Regardless I am too weak to even want to quit. Parents warn your children, they are one sip away from having to drink coffee the rest of their lives.
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