They really need to loosen up...

I tried yoga. I quickly found out that it was not for me. It wasn't just one thing that made yoga wrong for me, but a bunch of things that added up to...disaster. Yes I know yoga is supposed to be very good for me. Nothing says "good times" like stretching and twisting yourself into a human knot them trying to breathe. Sounds like fun if you're a masochist.

I needed to find out what all the hoopla was about with this form of physical fitness so I enrolled in a class.

Did you know that there is proper yoga etiquette when entering the class?

I didn't.

Apparently, it isn't polite to disturb anyone's inner peace. You just don't go up to the person sitting quietly in a lotus position and say enthusiastically, "HI! I'm DICKEY BILL WAGNER and this is my FIRST YOGA CLASS, I'M SO EXCITED!" All I heard was "shhhh!" from all corners of the room. (Awkward) Wow I hope yoga works because these people need to loosen up.

The workout starts simply enough then the instructor calls out the Eagle pose. Who named this pose? The yogi who invented the eagle pose must have had some imagination, because I didn't see an eagle there...maybe one that hit the ground at one hundred miles per hour. I started laughing at my wit, which created a tension in the room. Really why is everyone so uptight in yoga class?

The clincher that yoga was not for me was the standing bow pose. I pulled my leg up just a little to far and I felt a click. My body was locked up in this pose. The moment went really bad when I rolled full pose into four yoga students next to me. We were a pile of intertwined sweaty bodies. I would have enjoyed that if I wasn't still stuck in the standing bow pose. There I was howling in pain and really disrupting the inner peace of everyone present and most of the class next door. The yoga class was dismissed early with a lot of apologies from the instructor. The instructor tapped my solar plexus and all of a sudden my body released its pose.

I said "thanks" to the instructor and back-pedaled out the door with much embarrassment. I guess I wasn't meant to be a yogi.