Looking for some hair gel

Have you ever had a bad hair day? Me, I am having a bad hair life. I know it doesn't matter who cuts my hair. Because it always turns out the same. A big mess of wild hair that makes me look mentally unbalanced. This "wild hair" is a condition known as folliculitis flexomegaly.

This condition is highlighted by hair follicles that refuse to lie with the crowd. These follicles are individuals and have rebellious natures. They exist to go against the flow of what could be great looking hair. The other hair follicles see the great time that the "wild hairs" are having and want to party too. They start flexing in their own individual way and soon there is quite an event happening on top of my head.

I know when I am symptomatic people start looking at the top of my head when they speak with me. There are awkward looks as if they want to mention my hair but don't want to be impolite. Once at a job interview, I broke out in full blown folliculitis flexomegaly. "We love your credentials Dickey Bill, but just can't seem to get past your hair." Tell me me about it.

I haven't yet figured out how to make my look good. You know who made bad hair look good? Albert Einstein did. Even when his hair was combed it was out in the lunatic fringe. It looked like it could explode any second. Einstein didn't have my condition. No the reason his hair stood straight up was because he had a medium sized scalp stretched tightly over his extra large skull. This look added so much credibility to his musings of the space time continuum.

The best haircut I ever had was a mullet. I was cool then with my business up front and party in the back look. I think it is my responsibility to bring sexy back in the form of a mullet. I'll either look retro or be mistaken as a butch lesbian that coaches girl's softball.

I would shave my head, but I feel like I would go from badhair to bad head days. I guess part of my destiny calls for me to make people go "hmmm" when they glance at the top of my head. Hmmm what's with you hair?