The truth about Ostriches

Sometimes bad information can get you into trouble. The consequences from relying on bad information can be dangerous. My ultimate mission in life is public service and I know can help the public by debunking two outrageous myths regarding ostriches.
Myth #1. Ostriches deny their is trouble by hiding its head in the sand.
Myth #2. Ostriches make tasty burgers.

The urban legends surrounding Ostriches abound. Leaving behind confusion, in my case clouds of confusion. Ostriches do not hide their heads in the sand to avoid danger. The truth is that Ostriches are much too stupid to even recognize that they are in danger. Do you want to know why Ostriches eyes are so big? It is because there is room in their small heads for big eyes. Ostrich brains are smaller than its eyeball. That definately hinders cognitive thought.

Like any other normal person, I was never concerned with accurate information about ostriches. That is until I met an ostrich with a nasty disposition. I was strolling the campus of LSU (Geaux Tigers!) and I happened upon a nine foot tall ostrich. He was looking curiously at me with his enormous eyes.

I thought that the ostrich would consider me dangerous so I jumped up and down and hollered loudly to try and scare it. I expected the ostrich to run away and then I could laugh at my human superiority. He didn't move. I noticed his legs for the first time, they were massive. The ostrich then started swinging his head back and forth wildly. He stomped his gigantic ostrich feet on the ground. There was one thin strand of barbed wire separating us. He looked at me as if he was going to come through the wire and step on me.

My cleverness had backfired. I was now afraid and started backing away slowly. The ostrich got distracted at the complexity of the fence. I took that opportunity and ran away. I avoided being kicked around by a chicken on steroids because he was stupid. Whew that was a close one.

Speaking of chickens, some genius thought that ostrich was just another word for poultry. There are ostrich farms, I don't know if Tyson farm ostriches but they do a great job with chickens. I digress, ostriches are not poultry but they are edible. Since man will eat anything, why not ostriches? Because...Ostriches taste like crap! You bite into some ostrich meat and it is like having a mouthful of crap. That is definately not appealing to me. It must be an aquired taste. I don't want to have to work at enjoying food.

My certainty comes from the fact that I have sampled ostrich. My good friend invited the family over for a cook out. "I have ostrich burgers." He said with pride. "Oh really, let me see." I said. It was red meat and had the texture of ground beef. "Okay, I'll try it."

I took a bite of my ostrich burger excited by the new experience. There it was a mouthful of crap. I was grossed out. eeewwww! Judging by the looks on the faces of the other guests, we all seemed to be in agreement. No amount of condiments could hide that awful flavor. I ate a lot of potato salad.

Two myths about ostriches that are debunked. I hope you never need this information. However it is good to know just in case.