I am so fired!!!

Time keeps moving forward, regardless of how I feel about it. Physicist and Philosophers have created numerous theories about time. Some say time is an illusion others that it is relative on where you are at in the space time continuum. The term continuum implies continuity; an even paced movement where moments are connected. Hmmm then why am I missing segments of time? Why does the pace get faster and faster as I get older?

It has been over two weeks since I have posted a note on this blog. I vowed to myself that I would post weekly, I am so fired. I would have posted last week if I didn't have a flair up of OCD. That sprinkled with ADD is a recipe for lost time. I looked up and Voila a week was gone! I am so fired.

Physicist claim that time is relative to the observer and that large objects bend time and slow things down. That's why I hang out with fat people. Time moves slower for them. Do you know why New Orleans is called the Big Easy? Because fat people set the pace for time in Louisiana; okay fat people and alcohol.

That's nice but I live in Colorado, where people want to be fit and run road races like the Boulder Boulder. Time is moving so fast here that you do have to say Boulder twice to make sure you hear it once. Being lean and competitive guarantees time will speed up. There isn't enough time to speak in complete sentences, whew!

These examples are strong arguments towards the relativity of time. Energy, time, and mass are relative terms. So is good ole uncle Stanley. Yes uncle Stanley is a relative who doesn't believe in science because he is religious. Big bang for him is birthday sex.

Maybe if I was a physicist, I would learn how to control time without resorting to use my fat friends. I just feel so selfish when I do. Fun fact: guilt is relative too. Presently my options are limited so chances are you will see me with a large crowd. Time is on the move and I hate having to catch up.

Looking for some hair gel

Have you ever had a bad hair day? Me, I am having a bad hair life. I know it doesn't matter who cuts my hair. Because it always turns out the same. A big mess of wild hair that makes me look mentally unbalanced. This "wild hair" is a condition known as folliculitis flexomegaly.

This condition is highlighted by hair follicles that refuse to lie with the crowd. These follicles are individuals and have rebellious natures. They exist to go against the flow of what could be great looking hair. The other hair follicles see the great time that the "wild hairs" are having and want to party too. They start flexing in their own individual way and soon there is quite an event happening on top of my head.

I know when I am symptomatic people start looking at the top of my head when they speak with me. There are awkward looks as if they want to mention my hair but don't want to be impolite. Once at a job interview, I broke out in full blown folliculitis flexomegaly. "We love your credentials Dickey Bill, but just can't seem to get past your hair." Tell me me about it.

I haven't yet figured out how to make my look good. You know who made bad hair look good? Albert Einstein did. Even when his hair was combed it was out in the lunatic fringe. It looked like it could explode any second. Einstein didn't have my condition. No the reason his hair stood straight up was because he had a medium sized scalp stretched tightly over his extra large skull. This look added so much credibility to his musings of the space time continuum.

The best haircut I ever had was a mullet. I was cool then with my business up front and party in the back look. I think it is my responsibility to bring sexy back in the form of a mullet. I'll either look retro or be mistaken as a butch lesbian that coaches girl's softball.

I would shave my head, but I feel like I would go from badhair to bad head days. I guess part of my destiny calls for me to make people go "hmmm" when they glance at the top of my head. Hmmm what's with you hair?