Stay away from the magazine racks!!!

I know you have heard of the magazine Cosmopolitan. Do you read Cosmo? Guys I don't judge because we really do need to know what we are up against. Every woman in the world reads Cosmopolitan. Even nuns read it. Women just want to know the nasty secrets to make a man insane.

Last year, there was an article written that caused me a bunch of trouble. The article was called 'five naughty secrets to make him crazy'. Women you need to realize the awesome power that comes from knowing these things and to approach using these techniques responsibly. My wife read that article and decided to give it a go. It was SECRET #3 that put me in a locked padded room for a 90 day observation at the State Psyche Hospital! I am released now because I meet the minimum requirements for safety and my health insurance sucks. It's been a long year, I've worked hard in therapy and I am now just starting to feel normal. Although, magazine racks still make me twitch.

I am still in therapy but I think it is time to quit. I can tell it isn't doing me any good anymore. Every week it is the same routine. I start opening up to my therapist telling her my problems. I tell her about the demons on my back weighing me down and about my deep dark perversions...All I hear is laughing. My therapist is laughing at me. Sure she is trying to hide it but the laughter breaks through in an uncontrollable fit.

"Doc, what's so funny?" I ask concerned that she might have heard me wrong. "Oh,mmm mmmmm nothing is hmmm funny. Please Dickey Bill just hold on...mmmm wait please, I tell you what, I'll (giggle) only charge you for a half hour." The doctor says as she turns away from me. I can see her biting her lip. It happens every week. My therapy bill has been cut in half but I can't see how her approach is helping me.

So I'll give it one more week. Remember a very wise comic book character once said, "With great power comes great responsibility." All I ask ladies and certain gentlemen (you know who you are), is to use the knowledge you get from Cosmopolitan magazine responsibly. Be sensitive to the psychological wounds that are inflicted from exploiting these secrets. You may miss the man you get locked up.