Happy New Year

2010 and I'm excited! I came up with an ECO-friendly idea regarding my new years resolutions. I will recycle last years resolutions! They haven't changed at all. I have intense pressure to lose weight, stay sober and be more productive. because I want to be thin and wealthy. By recycling last years resolution I am proving to the world that I am doing my part to lower my carbon debt. If I keep this up, I may be sorting my trash soon.

I am trying to work out to jump start my weight loss. However the lines are long right now for the treadmills. So I have to stand behind someone with a large ass and watch them walk uphill jamming to 1940 showtunes. It's 6:00 am who has time for this? I know when its my turn, I start feeling a little uneasy and have the urge to keep looking back over my shoulder to see who's waiting on me. I always end up next to the petite woman who sets the treadmill at 10mph and proceeds to run 10 miles. My feelings have become a tapestry of paranoid inadequecy along with the physical strain of moving. It is no wonder why I usually workout once a year.

Eating right means eating smaller portions. If God did not want us to eat so much, He wouldn't have made yummy food. Don't you agree? I try to eat less and when I leave the table after one serving of yumminess, I don't feel happy, in fact I feel like I am denying myself such a simple pleasure that eating is no longer fun.

I've worked out and ate like an refuge from some starving country, now I feel like crap. I do know how to make a crappy feeling better, drink beer. That's right I have to self medicate because life is too short to feel like crap. Hmmmm maybe I should change my resolutions so I don't have to keep up this charade of self improvement.

My new resolution will be; I will be the best fat lazy drunken slob that I can be for 2010. Now that is something I can feel good about doing. It will put a damper on being ECO-friendly, but there is always next year.