Ode to Ricky Bobby

I've done allot of different jobs in my working life. Occasionally, someone will ask me, "Is there any job you haven't done?" I am always surprised by this question. Obviously I haven't done everything. I have never been a race car driver.

I think racing would suit me. It's not too complicated and that is a plus. I believe I am coordinated enough to drive a car. I mean come on, it's not typing. I like the cool racing suit, just wearing that would be exciting.

I went to my auto mechanic to get my car tuned up. I spent a small fortune making sure it was road ready. When I was paying the bill, the mechanic said proudly, "It's a RACE CAR now!"...Really? I immediatly went home and told my wife I was going to Alabama. "I am going to enter the Talledega 500." I told her. She rolled her eyes and said "Okay honey, I'll see you next week."

I have to say I am very disappointed in my auto mechanic. I arrived at the Speedway ready to enter and was promptly told to leave or they would call the police. It seems that I have been mislead and my gold Honda Civic was not a race car at all. That's okay, while driving back home to Colorado, I pretended I was in a RACE! I was gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles as I maneuvered through traffic. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins.

Everything was fine until I saw a 1972 Ford Pinto in the fast lane passing a line of cars on the right. It was smoking and the side mirror was hanging by a thread. I don't know how it was possible that it was going 90mph. A thought crossed my mind that whoever was driving that car was mentally impaired. Now it was dangerous. We were moving fast. With my cat like reflexes, I tapped my breaks to slow down. Pure reflexive genius in action.

I tried to be a race car driver and I was turned away. Perhaps my destiny is yet to reveal itself. I still have to say that Auto racing is a job I have not had.